The Asshole Hypnotist

You are in a state of total concentration. You are experiencing nothing but these words, and you are feeling very sleepy and suggestible. Every tiny pain and itch in your body, even ones that you ordinarily would not notice, is amplified tenfold. Take a moment to catalogue all the minor itches in your body. Even if you feel that you have none, imaginary itches will begin to appear. Scratching them will not be satisfying.

You are totally focused on your own discomfort, and on my words. You are now totally under the spell of the Asshole Hypnotist.

You are hyperaware of your eyeballs. Blinking is not automatic anymore, and you must carefully regulate it. Your eyes feel very dry. Blinking is uncomfortable. There is a straining pressure behind your eyes, and there's no way to relieve it.

You have another itch.

Breathing is no longer automatic. You're very aware of the fact that it takes effort to breathe, and you've never been more annoyed by it. It will take you a very long time to forget that breathing is automatic. Imagine how close you are to death-- if you should forget to breathe in your sleep, you will suffocate and die. You will have a very difficult time falling asleep tonight, because you will remember reading this and recall that it takes an annoying amount of effort to breathe. You will have to stay awake tonight just to regulate your breathing so you don't die in your sleep.

One of your teeth are itching (lolheath). It's probably some horrible dental problem. Could be an abscess. You have cancer.

Jolly good day for a lot of reasons, especially one.